Footprints in the heart.

2005

posted by d'Frog Prince @ 12:39 AM Comments: 0

Stories For My Mother .4

The past few entries were a bit sad in tone, sorry about that. That is what happened when one reminiscene, especially those sad episodes where you don't know where you get the strength to pull through.

I would like to remember some happy events as well. Hmm, I don't believe it, I have to think very long and I can't really remember an incident where my mom really laughed and be hearty. When I was much much younger, yes, but towards the sunset years, it was much lesser and I didn't realise it until today, gosh...

I only can remember that when I was working in Singapore, every few months, I would take leave and come home to hometown in Melaka for like a week. It never ceases to amaze me how that small little visit were always cherished by our parents. She would fuss over me, cook my favourite dishes and the best thing, that I can remember of, was us, both my mother and I, would chit-chat late into the night. We will chat for hours on end. Mostly, I will tell her about incidences, my new found friends and their antics, of how they are taking good care of me that she shouldn't worry about me, etc etc. In a way, it was a reassurance to her that her son has finally grown up and that she don't have to worry too much about him anymore. I didn't realise it then, but I think those conversation filled up some loneliness of a mother's heart.

All of our siblings were closed to our mother, but the closest were my sister and I. May be it was my nature to be a good councel and listener, many a times, I would end up advising my mother to pretend not to see many things that would end up agitating her. It served no purpose, I told her. To her credit, she listened to my advise (some of it anyway). Originating from a different era, it was tough for her to accept many of the changes, especially in the attitude of the young people.

I guess, she was happiest when she can fussed over her children, like me, like my sister and the rest of the siblings. But mostly us, the two youngest as the rest were all married with family of their own. One thing I think I have inherited from my mother is the ability to keep things hidden in the heart, see through some things and then make some decision on the spot.

posted by d'Frog Prince @ 10:38 PM Comments: 2

Stories For My Mother .3

This stories for my mother will be jumping here and there. I will be story-ing things that come to my mind, not in any particular sequence. After I have put down most of the story worth telling, then, may be I will sort it out according as the event progresses. Anyway, to the story.

I remember at one stage, my mother was very sick. She was down with stroke, as my earlier posts mentioned. She will go from able to walk with the aid of walking stick to not able to move her body at all in the bed. Most of us kids took turn to take care of her. I would loves to take care of her except for the fact that I was single at that time and that no one was at home most of the time.

Once, she was at one of my brother's place and she was quite weak. She had been there for quite sometime and it was quite straining to them. I can understand that. I offered to take care of my mother and went all the way south to fetch her. She was really weak and my heart ached for her. Somehow, I managed to get her into my car and brought her all the way to Klang and weak as she was, she was one determined old lady and managed to climb the two flight of stairs to go up to my flat. It took both of us around 20 minutes, I think, for a flight of stairs that shouldn't take more than 2 minutes, top. To tell you all the truth, it was not easy to hold on to a sick person, not when you are not properly trained.

Anyway, as the memories go, the very next day, I came home during lunch time and brought her some food for lunch. After having her lunch, she was back to lying down on her bed and mentioned that she needed to wash her hair, it has been quite sometime as her hand was weak, she was not able to raise it to wash her hand.

I told her to wait for me and I will wash for her after work. That day, I came home right after work and for the first time in my life, I bathe my mom. Tears were in my eye because, here is the woman who had shielded me, protected me and so helpless, that as a son, my heart really broke. Initially, I was shy. I was after all, a son. But as my mom had more or less given up on herself, I tried to be strong and tough and proceeded to give her a good hair wash and bath. Afterwards, it became a routine for me to bathe her everyday and I will tell you that, I thank God that I have the opportunity to take care of this woman called my mother. I believe that the love, the care I tried to give her during those moments, it helped. She got better and after two weeks or so, she don't need my assistant anymore to bathe herself. Her sheer determination amazes one. Not cured of course, but she don't have to lie on her bed for long period and was more cheerful and happy, though a little bit lonely because she is all alone by herself for a good portion of the day.

Still, we have bonded and for those time, I felt that I was one of the luckiest person on earth to have been born to this woman. Any other woman would have given up hope of life at that juncture but she persevered on and continue to live, albeit day to day. She told me that, she would move on a happy woman after the day that my sister and I have the family of our own. She did move on after a few years, when both my sister and I got married and have our own little family. As for my mother, she went from well (as well as a stroke patient can be) to serious. Thinking back, I believed the later doctor dignose was correct, she was much better when staying with me and deteriorates when she went to stay with my other brothers, probably due to the air and other allergens that could have burdened her already maxed out organs.

At times, I would think back how she must have felt, shy and embarrassed but helpless. I once told her, I am your son, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I think those words made her feel better. She always felt being a burden to her children but that is life, isn't it? At times, we might feel helpless but we don't get to choose our mothers, do we? For those who have the same experience as me, now that their mother is not with them anymore, would anybody mind the burden, if only their mother can be with them for a few more years?

posted by d'Frog Prince @ 9:45 AM Comments: 0

Stories For My Mother .2

I can't really remember when my mother had stroke but I do remember that it was not long after I bought my first flat. She was there to help me with the praying and shifting in and many other things. She was so proud and happy for me, even though it was just a low-cost flat. I think her happiness is more than expressable by words.

Anyway, after staying at my place for a month or two, which again I don't really recall, she wanted to go back to our old home, since she has her grandchildren there and I think my sister was still schooling at that time.

Not long afterwards, she was on scheduled to come over to my place and one or two days before that, she fell down and though nothing happened, she was not able to move properly the next day. Still, she came over to my place (by the way, my hometown is in Melaka while presently, I am in Klang, so, you can imagine the distance and hassle, coupled with taking public transport).

I was pretty angry at that time when I see she did not have the strength to move freely like before, not angry at my mother per se, but just probably sad kind of anger. Here was the woman who is my pillar of strength and she seemed unable to walk properly, I think my heart ached more than anger.

Well, she stayed in my flat for another few months and when she wanted to go back, I wanted to send her back. On the way back, she suddenly had an asthma attack and can barely breathe. I was so panicked that I almost lose my mind. At that time, the Federal Highway was a nightmare to drive (still is anyway) and I got stuck in a traffic nearby RTM I think and there, my mother was, fighting hard to breathe. Somehow, I managed to drive into Brickfields area and stopped at the first clinic I saw.

The good doctor quickly administered some asthma medicine to calm her breathing difficulty and told me that it will be best to send her to hospital immediately. I must have looked lost because, honestly, I don't know where is the @$%$^%&#$ hospitals!! Well, the good doctor, bless him, told me he will show me the way, he will drive his car and I am to follow him from behind. He lead us to Pantai Hospital and at the minute we arrived, my mom was sent to E.R and later on to ICU. They were very efficient, you have to give them credit for that (though #$%^*&%$# expensive)

I will continue later but a footnote is called for :- years later, we consulted another doctor when my mom was not feeling well again and guess what the good doctor said when I told her she had asthma attack before? Bah Humbug!! She didn't have asthma and in most probablity, she had allergic reaction the last time....Imagine the whole world of difference that made, it is like a whole new possibilities opened up. No wonder that the asthma medicine doesn't seemed to work whenever my mom was short of breath. After seeing the good doctor, her health improved by leaps and bounds and till this day, I will not see any other doctor except him should I have any need to visit a doctor.

posted by d'Frog Prince @ 5:54 AM Comments: 2

Stories For My Mother .1

Everyone is close to their mother. A human who carried you in their womb for 9 months, would love you unconditionally and will never let any harms come to you, unless of course she is not of sound mind, of which, that will be another issue altogether.

I was very close to my mother. In this world, there was no person I adored more than my mother. It is not a matter of loving who more, ie, mother, father, wife, kids, siblings etc. It is all different kind of love, just in case my wife or my kids read this post, sometime in the future. Humans have capacity to love more than one and all in different ways.

Back to mothers. Well, I remembered when I was like in Lower Form 6, my eldest sister was down with a stroke. Serious one. My mother delivered food and visited her everyday, without fail, except once. On this particular day, no one was available to send her to the hospital, which is like 40 minutes away by motorcycle (we don't have car at that time, which was like a luxury beyond our means) That being the case, I was asked to send her using my father old motorbike. As luck would have it, half way through, a car almost knocked me from behind, it was so close that the whole motorbike shook and me being inexperienced, lost control of the motorbike. Both of us fell and my mother sort of got flung quite a distance, but not seriously injured. Guess what she did? She immediately got up and rushed to my side, totally ignoring to check whether she herself was injured or not. On the surface, I suffered some abrasions and a bit of bleeding here and there, nothing life threatening.

What hurt and touched me most is, how can a person so totally ignore her own safety and only worry for her son? Maternal instinct? Naturally protective? My eyes wet at times when I really sit back and think about the many sacrifices that my mother went through just to bring us up. I will be sharing more of the stories, those that I can remember. As you see, she has passed away for about 5 years and memory of her starts ebbing away, which, I think shouldn't be allowed. We are talking about a human who don't care about her own safety just so that she can ensure the safety of her offsprings.

posted by d'Frog Prince @ 8:57 PM Comments: 1

Follow the Breadcrumbs

This post taken from my another blog :- www.tmithomas.blogspot.com

Remember last time I blogged about 6 degrees of separations and deja-vu?

You would also noticed that recently I got to know some other blogger? Remember my partner in the baking lesson, the ever Cheezy Hurley? I was reading his blog yesterday and click on some of his links. I went on to read the blog by SotongZai and then, I noticed he mentioned his colleague by the name of Yeehou, which when I followed the link, I noticed another link which is very familiar, Viewtru!! Which, if you go to his website, you will find a link back to my blog, tmithomas.

Count the link, it is about 6 times removed, talk about 6 degrees of separations, shudders shudders, thus the title of this blog and the mention of some old blogs, ie, the crumbs that lead the way.

Anyway, Viewtru is one of my all time favourite blogger but unfortunately, he went into hibernation mode, probably to make some babies. But he is a very prolific writer and blogger, do go and see his old posts, albeit being a tad "old" but it is still very good read. I believe those who share the same frequency like me will enjoy particularly this post, Viewtru's Lantern Tale. Be forewarned though, it is very crude humour and might offend some people but damn addictive, read at your own perils.

I know for a fact that the symbol gal will enjoy Viewtru's blog, same frequency mah. I would suggest readers to click on all the crumbs that I have hyperlinked in this blog. All of them are very good blogger, much better than me, in fact and you will definitely enjoy all their entries.

posted by d'Frog Prince @ 9:50 PM Comments: 0